Look at that: There’s a video posted… Perhaps a prescient error, appearing to forsee an early weekend for the kiddos, with the chance of another snow/abominably cold day off from school! Or, more actually, poor, basic maths skills — public education, after all.

Withal, as them say, an early entertainment expo…

Seitan as a pre-formed, commercially produced and market acquired item, tastes like the devil, and mostly, over the years has been pronounced synonymously.

And when I'm down, real Sanpaku

There was a period, a decade or so ago, where, locally at least, a movement took foot to pronounce it shi-tahn — which might accurately describe the after effects of over-consumption but certainly does not improve the accoustic constitution. More recently, it has evidently become widely agreed that it should be pronounced say-tahn — often followed by derisive admonition that it was always so, followed, usually, by increasingly confounded elocution.

Satanic semantics aside, commercial miàn jīn is generally dreadful, more abominable than the cold, so when faced with one of those late night, chewy, seasoned, wheat-loaf cravings, it boils down to manufacturing glutey-loaves or boiled brains.

And I don't know what to do, Aisumasen, Aisumasen Yoko San

The loaves that are loveable, or links, as the case may be are

None of the others have bred re-creation inspiration, nor do the boiled brains generally garner much action potential.  However, this PPK variety won’t leave one sulci — a bit salty if just gnawing on the cerebellum, but as a sandwhich filler, or stew additive, the strong flavor is fantastic:  Soy-salty, with a nice lemony hint to tickle the dendrites.  Especially good pan-seared, a bit crispy.

All I had to do was call your name - Yes, all I had to do was call your name

Greek Seitan Gyros. 




2 T sweet paprika

2 tsp sumac

2 tsp dried oregano

1 tsp sea salt

1 tsp curry powder

1 tsp cumin

1 tsp dried thyme

1 tsp fresh rosemary

½ tsp chili powder

½ tsp onion powder

½ tsp black pepper

½ tsp ground coriander

½ tsp ground cinnamon

½ tsp lemon pepper

2¼ cup vital wheat gluten

½ cup nutritional yeast

¼ cup garfava flour [garbanzo and fava bean flours]

2 T Bill’s Chik’Nish vegetarian seasoning


2¼ cup cold water

2 T soy sauce

2 T olive oil

8 cloves garlic, minced

½ yellow onion, finely diced

1 tsp fresh lemon zest


Preheat oven to 325 degrees.

Sauté onion and garlic in a drizzle of olive oil until softened. While that is cooking, mix the dry ingredients in a bowl and dry whisk to combine well. In a separate bowl, add the wet ingredients and the onions and garlic. Pour the wet into the dry and mix gently with your hands until all the dry ingredients are incorporated and you no longer see any dry patches of flour. Divide the dough into three.  Form three equal-sized logs out of the dough and place them, separately, upon a sheet of aluminum foil. Roll each into a cylinder and twist the ends to seal the tubes you’ve created.

Place in the oven for 60-90 minutes depending upon the consistency you prefer.  [I found that 90 minutes yielded a seitan that was soft and moist and, for H and I, texturally mimicked gyros.]  Allow to cool. Slice and sauté briefly in a pan with a drizzle of olive oil to heat through and crisp up the edges.


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